Arcadia

Justin Timberlake just came on. :)

Why wasn’t I aware of the amazing flavor of fresh blueberries ‘til now?

You know what really sucks? I’m beginning to dislike my baby more and more and more. I hate being this bitter, disconnected and afraid of everything. Just as I was getting better I fell pregnant… Nonetheless it was the best I ever felt, but it was pretty much a tease. For once, I thought I’d have something more than bullshit to live for. I was so excited to be a mumma bear, to have something of my own. Something to do everyday, someone to wake up in the morning for. Someone to find bliss within, to watch grow and to love eternally. But no, as for most of the things that happen, you’re gone without much of a life. I just about hate you. But I can’t because you’re nothing to everybody else. I wish I could say I’ve learnt from you, but the more and more I think about it the more I see I haven’t. If anything I’ve gone backwards and the more I hate myself. I hate everything I do, the bitterness I carry and the lack of confidence I have. I hate everything. I can’t stand anybody and all I can ever do is wish that I was actually given a chance with you.

Not really, though. As usual I have nothing to do and I’m lonely as hell. I wish my cat would come home. :(

Still no sign of my kitty. Poor Zizzy. I hope he’s safe and hasn’t been run over or something. :(

I miss my kitty. :( Zizzy, come home and sook at me.

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